He turned to look at me. He looked tensed.
“What happened bae?”
“Nothing. Sakshi there is something I need to tell you.”
“I know this is not the way you wanted to be welcomed but I think we should part ways.”
“What? Why? What happened?”
“Nothing. We don’t fit together. You function on emotions I function on logic and we aren’t just good together.”
“I didn’t fly all the way from India to hear this bullshit Amar. I know something is up. You were already tensed when I came. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. The only thing wrong is us.”
“Shut the fuck up Amar. What is it? We can talk about it.”
“There is nothing to talk Sakshi just leave me alone.”
“No I am not going to until you tell me what is eating you.”
“Just leave naa dammit.”
I grabbed him by the arm and shook him.
“Look Mr. Amar Singh Rajput. I love you okay. And I need to know what the hell is eating the person I love so much that he wants to break up with me.”
And then he broke down. I have never seen him be so vulnerable. I just hugged him and tried to bring all his broken pieces together.
He sobbed there in my arms. He didn’t even hug me back. We crashed on the floor. It was almost an hour and he was still crying expect now he was laying in my lap holding my hands. I was just ruffling his hairs.
“You ready to talk about it?”
“I am suffering.”
“I am dying.”
“What? Why? Get up. Look at me.”
“Yeah. I have gap between my spinal cord’s bone. All the constant driving had a toll on me.”
My voice almost cracking.
“Yeah between the last two one.”
“So it’s curable right?”
“Yeah but it can also spread to other bones until I am ready for surgery.”
“It can doesn’t mean it would. And why do you think leaving me was an option. Wait right here.”
“Where are you going?”
“To call the office.”
“To inform them that I am quitting my job.”
“What? Are you insane you can’t quit.”
“Why? You need me Amar. And I want to be there for you.”
“But that job is your dream.”
“No, my dream is to be with you till eternity.”
“I love you.”
He came and hugged me tight. My heart broke to listen that the person I love so much is dying on the inside. But when he hugged me I got strength again because if I went weak now who will help him. He needed me the most right now. I couldn’t let him know how I felt about all this.
“Sakshi, I have taken a decision, I won’t race until I am perfectly fine.”
“I am with you on every decision you make. Now come here. Its been a long day.”
I said as I grabbed his hand and dragged him to his bedroom. He laid down and I lay near him. Keeping my ears right where I could here his heart beat. I snuggled closer to him wrapping my hands around him while he kept his chin on the top of my head and closed his eyes. There was a glint of fear in his eyes. The fear of dying but moreover the fear of losing me. Its funny how close can you grow to a person in such a short span of life but if you would ask me then yeah I did too fear that one day when I wake up he won’t be my my side. That he’d be gone. Far.. far away where I can’t see him. I can’t reach. Can’t tell him how much I love him. And that fear shook the hell out of me. I fought my tears as I didn’t want to wake him up but I could not sleep. I stood up carefully to not disturb him. I went near the window that covered the better part of the wall and opened it. The cold wind felt good against the warmth of the tears that painted my face. I saw the lights through my blurred vision. The world just came crashing down to me. I fell right there and sobbed. I could not take it anymore. I kept crying quietly for a long time. I again went to the bed.I saw him sleeping peacefully. My heart ached to even think about the time when he won’t be around anymore. But I had decided if even we are left with a few days together I am not going to waste them sulking that I might lose him. That would just mean that I had accepted my defeat against life. I will fight till my last breathe so that Amar does not get a scar on him. He is the purest human I know. Free from any devil within but if life chose this for him then I am going to protect him anyway I can because if death thinks it can do us apart then I am sorry but we are far more in love for a thing like death to do us apart.